What Servers Wish You Knew About Ordering at Restaurants (From Someone Who’s Been There)

I spent five years waiting tables at everything from diners to upscale restaurants. Now when I’m the customer, I see people making the same mistakes that make their meals worse and their servers quietly judge them.

I’m not talking about being rude (though please don’t do that). I’m talking about ordering strategies that get you better food, better service, and a more enjoyable experience. Small changes that make a surprisingly big difference.

Here’s what I learned from the other side of the menu.

The Menu Reading Reality: What’s Actually Good

The menu is not a neutral list of equally good options. It’s a strategic document designed to make money while managing the kitchen’s workload.

The “chef’s special” or “signature dish”: Usually actually good. This is what they want to be known for, so they put effort into it.

Daily specials: Either genuinely good and fresh, or using up ingredients before they go bad. Ask how long it’s been a special.

The most expensive thing: Not always the best. Sometimes it’s just expensive ingredients without much skill involved.

The second-most expensive thing: Often the sweet spot. Good quality, but you’re not paying purely for prestige.

The cheapest thing: Usually high-margin items that are easy to make in bulk. Not necessarily bad, but rarely special.

I look for dishes that seem like they require actual cooking skill or have multiple components. These are usually better than simple items marked up 400%.

The Questions Worth Asking

Most people either ask nothing or ask annoying questions. Here are the questions servers actually appreciate because they lead to better orders:

“What do you recommend?” - Broad but fine. We’ll tell you what’s actually good.

“What’s the most popular dish?” - Even better. Popular for a reason.

“What do you eat when you work here?” - The real answer. We eat whatever’s good and cheap.

“Is this dish shareable?” - Yes, we appreciate you asking instead of assuming.

“Can I make substitutions?” - Asking first is better than demanding.

Bad questions: - “Is it fresh?” (Everything should be, that’s not a meaningful question) - “What’s good here?” while clearly not listening to the answer - “Can you make [completely different dish not on the menu]?”

The Substitution Reality

Some substitutions are easy. Some are annoying. Some are impossible. Here’s how to tell:

Easy substitutions: - Different side dish from the same section of the menu - Leaving something off - Sauce on the side - Different cooking temperature

Annoying but doable: - Swapping proteins (chicken instead of beef) - Major ingredient changes that require re-pricing - “Can you make it like [completely different menu item]?”

Probably not happening: - Creating entirely new dishes - Anything that requires ingredients not in the kitchen - Complete menu rewrites because you’re picky

The key is asking nicely if something is possible instead of demanding it. “Is it possible to…” works way better than “I want this but without…”

The Allergy vs Preference Distinction

This is important: allergies and preferences are different things.

Actual allergy: Tell your server immediately. They’ll take it seriously, tell the kitchen, and make sure you don’t die.

Strong preference: Just say you don’t like something. We’ll try to accommodate.

Lying about allergies: Don’t do this. When you say you’re allergic to onions but then order onion rings, the kitchen will remember and take your next “allergy” less seriously.

I’ve seen people claim severe gluten allergies and then order regular beer. Now when they come back with a real allergy, nobody believes them. Don’t be that person.

Timing Your Order: When the Kitchen Is Actually Ready

This is insider knowledge most people don’t think about:

Best times to go for quality: - 30 minutes after opening (kitchen is fresh and not slammed) - Late lunch (kitchen is practiced for the day but not exhausted) - Early dinner (before the rush)

Times to avoid if possible: - Peak lunch (12-1pm on weekdays) - Peak dinner (7-8pm on weekends) - Sunday brunch (kitchens hate brunch) - Right before closing (tired staff, limited ingredients)

Going slightly off-peak means fresher food, more attention from servers, and better everything. Your Tuesday 6pm dinner will be better than your Saturday 8pm dinner at the same restaurant.

The “Chef Knows Best” Strategy

When I’m somewhere new and can’t decide, I use this approach:

“I like [general flavor profile]. What do you think I should get?”

Or even better: “What would you order if you were me?”

This works because: - Servers know what’s actually good - They know what the kitchen does well - They appreciate you trusting their judgment - You might discover something you wouldn’t have ordered

I’ve had amazing meals using this strategy. I’ve also had one or two disasters, but the success rate is high.

The Modification Limit: When to Stop

You can modify dishes, but there’s a limit before you’re just being difficult:

One or two changes: Totally fine. “No onions” or “dressing on the side” - no problem.

Three or four changes: Getting annoying but still doable.

Five+ changes: You’re basically asking for a different dish. Just order something else.

I’ve seen people list so many modifications that they’re basically creating a new menu item. At that point, either order what’s actually on the menu or go somewhere else.

Also, the more you modify, the more likely something gets messed up. Keep it simple for better results.

The Splitting Check Etiquette

Want to make your server’s life easier and get better service? Here’s how to handle splitting checks:

Tell them at the start: “We’ll need separate checks” when you order.

Don’t split one item 12 ways: Absolute nightmare for the kitchen and server.

Venmo exists: One person pay, everyone Venmo them. So much easier.

Don’t ask to split after the meal is done: Possible but annoying.

Separate checks aren’t a problem if you mention it early. Asking 30 minutes after you’ve eaten when there’s a line of people waiting? That’s annoying.

The Tipping Conversation Nobody Wants

I’m not going to tell you what to tip, but I will tell you what servers think:

20% is now standard for good service. 15% is what 20% used to be.

The pre-tax amount doesn’t matter: Nobody’s calculating it on pre-tax anymore.

Leaving a bad tip with no explanation: Servers assume you’re cheap, not that the service was bad.

Leaving a note instead of a tip: Rent isn’t paid with compliments.

If service was actually bad, tip less and explain why. If service was fine and you just don’t want to tip well, know that you’re not making a political statement - you’re just making someone’s day worse.

The Menu Decoding Guide

Certain words on menus mean specific things:

“Homemade”: Could mean made in-house or could mean nothing. Ask if it matters.

“Fresh”: Usually means not frozen, but everything should be fresh.

“Handcrafted”: Marketing term that means very little.

“Market price”: Going to be expensive. Ask the actual price.

“Contains raw or undercooked ingredients”: Legal disclaimer. Order it however you want.

“Chef’s tasting menu”: You’re paying someone else to decide what you eat. Can be great or weird.

I ignore most marketing language and look at actual ingredients and preparation methods.

The Drink Order Strategy

Order drinks efficiently and your server will love you:

Good approach: - Know what you want when they ask - Order the first round quickly - Order your second drink when your first is half-empty - Close your tab when you’re actually done

Bad approach: - Needing 10 minutes to decide on a drink - Ordering one drink at a time for a table of six - Waiting until your glass is empty to order another - Keeping your tab open for hours after you’ve left

Also, if you’re drinking water, say “tap water” not just “water.” Saves the server from bringing a bottle menu.

The “I’ve Been Here Before” Trap

Don’t assume everything is the same as last time:

• Menu changes
• Ingredients change
• Chefs change
• Recipes change
• Prices change

Saying “It wasn’t like this last time” doesn’t help anyone. Order based on what the menu says now, not your memory of last time.

The Special Occasion Mention

If it’s a birthday, anniversary, or celebration, mention it when you make the reservation or when you’re seated.

This gives the restaurant time to: - Get a better table if possible - Prepare a dessert - Make a note for the server - Make your experience special

Mentioning it after you’ve eaten and expecting something free is less effective.

The Complaining Effectively

If something’s wrong, say something immediately - not after you’ve eaten most of it.

Good complaint: “This isn’t cooked the way I ordered it. Can you fix it?”

Bad complaint: “I didn’t like this” after eating the entire thing and now wanting a refund.

Really bad: Posting a negative review without ever telling the restaurant there was a problem.

Give them a chance to fix issues in real-time. Most places want you to be happy.

The Reality

Eating at restaurants should be enjoyable, not stressful. But understanding how they work makes the experience better.

Be clear about what you want. Ask questions politely. Don’t modify things to death. Tip appropriately. And remember that servers are people trying to do their job, not your servants.

These strategies won’t guarantee perfect meals every time. But they’ll improve your odds significantly. And they’ll make servers not dread seeing you walk in.

Is it fair that you need to know all this? Probably not. But it’s reality. And knowing how to navigate that reality gets you better food and better service.

Plus, treating people well in restaurants is just being a decent human. Which hopefully you’re trying to be anyway.